Wednesday, February 27, 2013

More Than a Woman: Musical Exorcism

Click: play all.

I am little without love.

While this sentence isn't substantial for the totality of the sentiment, I feel its truth.

I don't miss being single. I miss the unforgiving nights alone with my thoughts and my cigarettes. I miss the hair on my legs that once grew into tufts, wheat fields without anyone to pay attention to the muscle and skin underneath them. I miss the perpetual forgiveness I gave myself with mistakes in love: not calling someone back, leaving lovers by the side of the road like hitchhikers I'm not equipped to pick up and take along for the drive.

I miss listening to songs and finding someone to hide in their meanings. I miss finding anew.

I miss the cold-blooded freedom of the serpent, unwavering at the sight of others' human emotion.

These things I miss because sometimes I am a misguided person.

More than anyone or any situation from the past, I miss the music I listened to as a single person. More than that, I miss the songs I listened to as a heartbroken woman.

The songs I gathered in my times of devastation filled a void no rebound could have. I wept, wrestled into sleep, laughed and felt better about myself listening to the music. It was what kept me sane, what made sure I got the insanity out of me.

Listening to it all now, I'm overwhelmed, not with nostalgia for the boys I cared for, but by the separation I've created between the songs, those boys and the times I associate with both.

As Mick Jagger sings, "I can still look for someone else." When thinking of past relationships, that is the attitude I carry.

While there may have been a time when I thought of a certain boy listening to "Under My Thumb," that time is now gone. With all of these songs, I've performed a musical exorcism.

Much like a religious exorcism rids a person of demonic influence, a musical exorcism rids songs of particular connotations. In my case, those connotations are romantic.

A little behind...but WE'RE BACK!

Though we've been undergoing some pretty major transitions here at C.L.A.P. headquarters, a lot has been going on behind the scenes, all of which is starting to blossom into something beautiful and amazing, just like spring!

First, we will be printing our Winter/Dark 2012 issue very soon. On our last round of edits to ensure we have crossed our T's and dotted our I's, and we are super excited to share it with everyone! Thanks to everyone for their major patience in getting this issue out! We promise it will be worth the wait!

In the meantime, check out the cover of the Winter/Dark 2012 issue. Isn't it awesome!? Drawing by first time C.L.A.P. contributor Laci Marie, who rules.

Second, we've been gathering and uniting a great group of women through our C.L.A.P. support group. Our first meeting, earlier this month at Peace Coffee, was off the hook—we had about ten women show up from all walks of life with many different interests, all who were enthusiastic and excited about connecting with other creative women.

The beginning of many good times.

Several things came out of that first meeting:

1. Our next meeting will take place Tuesday, March 19th at 7 p.m. at the fabulous Anodyne Coffeehouse on Nicollet in Minneapolis. As it was decided we should try to have each meeting revolve around a certain topic/discussion of interest, our next meeting will be all about sharing our work, process and inspiration. To RSVP or to get more information about the meeting, check out the Facebook invite here.

2. We've started a Facebook group for the group so that women can stay in touch and share information between meetings. To join the group, click here and request to join.

Finally, the theme for our "Light 2013" (aka Spring/Summer) issue has been decided: MAKE ART, NOT WAR! You can take this theme to be as literal as you'd like, but some ideas we have are about collaboration, creation instead of destruction, community building vs. competition, process and inspiration, and all things anti-war and pro-peace!

You can pick up this fabulous Shepard Fairey
poster at Northern Sun,
 our favorite bumpersticker/poster shop.

If you are interested in contributing, email! We'd love to have you! Deadline is June 30.