Just kidding. I'm just bitter because I almost had a panic attack in Bibelot buying a Christmas gift for my mother. She better like it, that's all I'm saying.
Because listening to Christmas tunes doesn't do them justice, I'm going to give you a visual run-down of my favorite holiday tracks.
A classic for many reasons, I present Ms. Eartha Kitt singing "Santa Baby."
Eartha Kitt was a multi-racial dancer, singer, actress and activist. In the early 1940s, she danced as a member of the first African American modern dance company, the Katherine Dunham Company. In 1967, she played Catwoman on the "Batman" television series. She spoke out for GLBT rights.
She was a talented, strong woman, and a total babe because of it. The fur shawl she sports in this Christmas video doesn't hurt, either.
Second is a woman who has a special place in my heart, Ms. Dolly Parton. This woman has Christmas cheer written all over her beautiful, little face.
I'm partial to "Joy to the World" because of its grandiose cheer. Dolly's shiny wedding dress makes it even more cheerful. The Christmas special which this clip is from holds many treasures, including candid shots of 90s church-goers singing along with sweet Ms. P.
The next video I present to you is a true Christmas miracle. Perhaps it's a miracle that someone uploaded it to the Internet to be saved forever and shared with all.
Clearly Kenny and Dolly are one of the all-time best duos. This old-timey treat is wonderful because of them, and because everyone's pretending it's post-WWII England. (Ummm, what?)
Regardless of confusing fashion and video plot-line choices, Dolly really brings her joy to the holidays.
Next on my list is Mariah Carey. If you don't remember the "All I Want for Christmas is You" video from your childhood...well, it's not too late for you, yet!
How cute is Mariah in this video? Onesie snowsuit, snow ball fights with Jolly Ol' St. Nick...There are little dogs running around with antlers on, and baby bunnies, too! (I'm getting a bit excitable, but it's Christmas, and I just can't help it. Maybe it's all the cookies and eggnog.)
Ms. Carey is so pretty in a vintage beauty way. She looks like a pinup of generations past with that big, luscious curly hair.
This year, Mariah put out two new versions of this song.
The first I'll present is the cutest. It might even be cuter than the original, but what's an homage without a reference point? (There's an answer to that, but I'll let someone else figure it out. I'm just going to drink more eggnog.)
Mariah still has those amazing chops, which is why we all love her in the first place. (Full disclosure: I want "Emotions" to be my wedding song.)
With late night cutie Jimmy Fallon (yes, I did just call Jimmy Fallon a "cutie") and a choir of children, the real clincher is the fantastically talented band The Roots playing cutesy instruments as accompaniment.
So in summary, this video is cute cute cutie holiday cute.
The more traditional re-do Ms. Carey released for Yuletide features Justin Bieber.
Let's face it, I don't know a damn thing about Justin Bieber. I've only heard two of his songs; both while listening to the radio on my four-hour car ride to Thanksgiving. I was alone, and I started to lose it. Having no pop stations in my usual radio repertoire, I scanned the stations for the current chart-topping pop hits.
When this jam came on, I almost swerved off the rode in sheer befuddlement. What is Mariah Carey doing?
Ok, really, what is she doing? This video garners all kinds of critique, but since it's the season of giving, I'm going to give my forgiveness.
Dear Justin Bieber, I forgive you for rubbing your hands together so creepily and over-dramatically lip-syncing. I forgive you for that haircut.
Dear Mariah, I forgive you for awkwardly dancing sexy in slow motion. I also forgive you getting to second base with yourself in the last minute of this video. You still look good --even if you are exposing the weirdest part of the human body to show in a cutout, the stomach (literally, where your stomach is under your skin). Again, I love you.
Last but certainly not least, my favorite contemporary Christmas tune, "Wonderful Christmas Time" by Sir Paul McCartney.
Psychedelic visuals and spacey synth compliment Paul's Gryffindor scarf and Linda McCartney's outta sight haircut.
Maybe the songs on my visual Christmas list get overplayed every year. Still, no matter how many times I hear them, I can't help singing along.
The ladies and gents that made this list sang these greats better than anyone, and looked damn good doing it. They are righteous bringers of the season, and for that, I salute them.
Merry Christmas, everybody!